Smart women invented he word “Gentleman”
Have you ever overheard a group of single ladies who are kind of still fresh out of college or well, have that job as some fat tummied Zimbabwean Mhofu Yemukono’s (an infamous totem animal for a notorious brand of men known for loving to hunt…woman meat...And for the record, I am one myself) secretary or receptionist or dumb younger sister who just didn’t know what school was for beyond interact and Junior Parliament shin digs. Well I was saying, Have you ever overheard them talking about this guy called, Maurice or Dylan who happens to be a budding chartered accountant or trainee manager at some hotel or something. Have you ever noticed how she will keep repeating, “so it was a bit cold, and I had called to see where he was, and he came to pick me up, he was in this nice suit, and he asked me if I was hungry and we went out for coffee and black forest, ooooh my goodness the suit, and then he got me this bag, and then he drove me home and he bought me airtime for ten dollars and he called me to see if I had got to my room okay and…….sigh, HE IS SUCH A GENTLEMAN…SIGH”
This, to some is a normal conversation that ( I’m not so sure how girls manage to endure repeatedly) ladies can have on the daily, did you just see the criteria that one must match up to be called gentleman….it’s very clear SPEND! SPEND! SPEEEEEEEEEEND....and wear a suit, not those bright shiny ones though,( try those and look like an usher at Full Universal Kingdom believers fellowship ministries international church Worldwide…try even harder and you will look like the founder) you notice how everything that culminates to a man being a Gentleman is the fulfilment of the girls insatiable appetite for things that will give her a big tummy, disgusting love handles, and her shocking inability to get a frikkin lift like any other non-gold digging human being and much rather prefer the comforts of rubbing her buttocks on the passenger side of Dylan’s car and release a fart or two for good measure then ask for the air-conditioning to be turned on just in case he gets a whiff of it,. How somehow she talks about how stressful her day was so much that she didn’t eat anything but while she was having her third snack she got a craving for cake and or…..”There’s a coffee shop, LETS GO THERE.”
By now you can tell where this is all going, men never get it, all our lives we have secretly wanted to win over the favour of these tricky little species of human being, think about it, when you were younger its those dumb fat kids who had car switching dads that brought funny looking chocolate to school that always had the attention of that “Michelle girl” that you swear you had something akin to a crush for. And aren’t you just happy she got uglier when puberty got her. They only liked that fat kid because he was able to buy her chips at break time and all of a sudden …he was such a gentleman. At the end of the day we have been indoctrinated by a culture to die, buy, and when we are supposedly supposed to show emotion cry so that we earn the title, gentleman. Everything about being a gentleman has been made to impress the lady, from the uncomfy suits in summer that we are supposed to keep on throughout the whole day so that the Mrs can use you to show off to her friends; practically you have been relegated to being part of her outfit. How we are supposed to carry all the bags she ALONE accumulated in a day of shopping, rub her feet when they hurt as if YOU told her to wear painful shoes the whole day or open her door like she temporarily looses the use of her upper limbs when a door is in the vicinity. It’s all for their pleasure and convenience DON’T YOU GET IT OH YOU MALE PERSON!!!!
One day we shall be free, one day, when all the world becomes Infected by some zombiefying virus (yes like on Resident Evil, or I Am Legend) and you are stuck in a building with her while the flesh eating zombies lurk outside doing that zombie contorted face and hand thing. Both of you need to get to the helicopter but if you step out someone will become lunch, at this point, guys, moving around with a decoy would be advisable, because if you had one, you could throw it outside to the zombies and while they maul the poor thing, you could make a run for it...but it will be just the two of you...question is, who shall be the bait? Who shall be the decoy?.... YES, if there was a time you were ever supposed to be a gentleman, this one is that one time,… be a gentleman, open that door and with your slightly raised eyebrow, look at her in the eye and with the calmest voice your vocal chords can produce, say, “Ladies first”.
