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| How come stick men always come in black?...told you Africa is where man kind started!! |
Maaaaan, do you guys still
remember the mocking and judgmental voices of TLC telling all manner of man-dom
that they don’t want NO SCRUBS, a guy who sits at the passenger side of his
best friends ride!! Why don’t you want me to sit in my since childhoods friends
car? What’s the problem with me riding shot gun, I mean, we are just going to
watch soccer game, we can’t be wasting fuel just coz, you and your goldigging
self would rather be in this car farting off in the passenger seat blaming the
off smell of your afternoon air pollution on innocent city sewers! Speaking of
Goldigging, remember the song BILLS! By destiny’s child, “Pay my bills” they
said, “pay my telephone bills, pay automobile, so that baby maybe we could
chill” they continued, they went on to say “I don’t think you do, sooo me and
you are through” . UNBEFREAKINLIEVABLE! You can’t pay for your own rampant
usage of that smartphone that you are eternally glued on because you are so
narcistic you want to hear what suck ups have to say to every self-centered
post about yourself! …and because you can’t pay for it, MEN have to pay for it…
and if we cant, all of sudden the relationship is over!! WHY THE HELL DID WE
LIKE THIS MUSIC!
Today isn’t about music though,
in a sense, however I am remixing a post that was done by a fellow female
blogger, most girls liked what she had to say. Most panty whipped men, will go
home and restructure a lot after they read this, today I am here to liberate
those men from this guilt tripping post girls have reposted, retweeted and
shared all over the word. I have put the girls version in bold, and my thoughts
of it under it, this is the REMIX
These are qualities that most
Women would like their man to have
,other qualities can be
- A man who loves children and if you
are a single mother love your children like his own
Do you even notice the reverse
psychology hidden in this post, women want you to magically/instantly and with
fatherly prowess like her ex’s kid even though the little bugger is noisier
than fourth form class left without the care of a capable class monitor. The
part that gets men in this statement is, “..love
your children like his own”. It
throws us off completely and makes us feel bad for hating the little serial pee
monster. It makes any man feel guilty about not being able to connect with the
child, I mean, hey, “He does look like the guy who used to have sex with you on
a daily, just give me a little time to do this” , That is all we ask for.
Instant love for a child that aint yours is as fake as cheaply priced Galaxy
S3’s. all women need to understand is “ I love you, I am sorry it didn’t work
with your baby daddy, but I am childless, playing dad is hard for the real dad,
so don’t expect a star performance from ME the normal guy.
- A man who respects your alone time and
gives you space when you need it
In the immortalized words of
Selma Mutukudzi “ Space Yeyi, SPACE YEYI?!”
Definition of alone time please
ladies? Is it the time when you are with your lady friends, shopping and eating
away your money so you can spend ours later (REMEMBER you with your friends is
like us at a bar, with our guy friends having a beer, only we wont eat into
your money later), is alone time, when you are reading that novel or just in
that zone when you want to listen to some R n B or something (which
REMEMBER is exactly the same as us,
watching a soccer game, not wanting to be bothered by nagging women). Is alone
time when you want to not be touched and kissed and just are not in the mood
(well… its just like when we are playing Call Of Duty and are about to get to
the next stage). Women, have you noticed that , you want to cry for alone time
but NEVER EVER want to afford us our alone time!! Play fair!! You say we are
possessive, well we aren’t the ones who say “are you choosimg your friends over
me”. Point is, do unto others as you would want done to you, You want alone
time? Well…then please let us have ours too, with no calls no insecure tones!!
- A man that will make you soup when you
are down with a cold
Last time I checked, cold affects
nasal passages, including the nose, nothing to with the legs and hands. You
want soup, get up and make it your damn self!! Plus, we aint the ones who told
you to go out without your jacket on. You want to show off cleavage on a winter
night, be my guest, when you get a cold, thats your own problem.
- A man who loves trying out new things.
Probably, the man who took the
statement “try out new things” too far, was the first guy who decided to perform
anal sexual intercourse with another man… “lets try out new things right?” My
point is, WOMEN LIKE “THINGS” TOO MUCH…ESPECIALLY FOOD!! They love using
statements like, “I want to find myself” or “I want to go on a journey of
self-discovery”. The point they essentially miss is, life isn’t about finding
yourself, (are you frikking lost or something?) Life is about CREATING
yourself. Trying out new things will make you a jack of all trades and a master
of none. So please, I like this haircut, I will have it every month thank you.
If you want a guy with yellow hair, go and date Sisqo!
- A nice Scent
We don’t spray on stuff on our
crotches every time we take a pee like ya’ll do. We will spray in the morning
after we bath and that’s it. And Calvin Klein cologne costs three or four of
your expensive handbags, think about that too.
- A
Nice Body
Lest women forget that they are
the first one to pull out the “you are so insensitive” card when you call them out on their weight. The
really weird part about it all is that the girls who most cry out guys with
chiseled features are the ones with the least desirable bodies. Fine, we get it
that guys could try better in the working out department but some things are
extreme, it ain’t his fault that he was born short, or is more of a Gabriel
Selassie than a Christiano Ronaldo. Remember this, you aren’t no Beyonce
either… Deal with it!
- A secret sensitive side
That just sounds GAY to me….NEXT!
- A great sense of humour
This is that one part of the song
I do not change, I mean look, you have to be a funny guy… BUT, sometimes being
the funny guy makes you that guy she wants to chat online with all night, the
guy she turns to when she is low, the guy who she asks, whether this dress
would look nice on her or not, the guy who is her best pal, the guy who she
doesn’t put make up on for because she is so comfortable around him…..OH MY
GOSH..this is the guy who is stuck in the FRIENDZONE!! So yes, being funny is a
plus, but the downside is that most funny guys are her quick fix when in need
of a smile She want a great sense of humour around her, tell her to get a
frikkin JOKE BOOK!...NO kissy kissy…NO LAUGHY LAUGHY!!
- A man who is passionate
Passionate? Passionate about
WHAT!! Have you ever seen how we get depressed when our favorite team looses,
have you ever seen the determination on our faces when we want to beat the
stage boss on one racing game or the other, have you not seen the victorious
look on our faces when we crank up the car after a full day of tinkering with
its engine and the beast roars alive!! IS THAT NOT PASSION… Oh wait, you just
want us to be passionate about flowers, soapies, the type of tissue paper we
use..forget and smile.
- A Steady Job
Worldwide, the economy is bad,
graduates out there don’t have jobs. Sometimes hustling is the only way to go.We
know the new word that women use to lessen intensity of selfish greed attached
to the word ‘goldigging’ is “security”. You will hear her say, “I don’t want
his money, I just want a little bit of security”. If women really want security
they should invest more in business opportunities than hair…Do they really
think all manner of men cut their hair instead of buy it for nothing. PSH!!
So as the beat fades away in this
song, let it be known that real men will not bow down to women’s weird
requests, we shall not route for the feminization of the adult male human
being. Really, if you look at it all, girls in actual fact do not want a MAN to
be MAN, they just want a girl with a penis!!
